M.O.A.B. - The Mother Of All Burritos

2 YEARS 137 DAYS WITHOUT A BURRITO POST

2007-09-27T14:31:00.000-05:00

M.O.A.B. has been away for far too long!! Quite a long time, indeed! It is time for the Burrito Phoenix to rise from its ashes and critique the burritos of the world once again! In M.O.A.B.'s defense, though, it must be said that we moved after having the old Burrito Castle up for sale for nearly a year. {Stupid realty market!} That and the fact that M.O.A.B. forgot the access codes to this blog. A post-it note with all the proper log-in codes was unearthed upon creation of the new Burrito Home Office, so here we are once again!!

Have any burritos been consumed whilst living in the new digs, a.k.a. ~~Big Bear~~(BIG BURRITO it should be called ?!) Yes. But only a few. Maybe two tops since moving in, which is a shame! Living in a brand new area is supposed to offer one the chance of discovering new burrito outlets! Granted, it's a tiny bit rural out here, but that's no excuse! There are defintely places to obtain the food stuff that we all hold so dear!

New readers may be wondering how are the burritos graded here on M.O.A.B.? A refresher post is in order:

Burritos are graded using a 5 star scale and will be judged by the following criteria:

Wrap / Presentation - How well is the burrito wrapped? Is he wrapped tight? (The burrito... not me. We all know where the jury ruled on that one!) Does the filling stay inside? There's nothing worse than biting into a burrito that promptly explodes on ya', am I right people?!

Fillings - Nothing more than fillings! Trying to forget my fillings... fillings of lovvve! Fillings. Whoa-whoa-whoa filllllings... {AHEM} ... sorry. They say that it's what inside that counts. Never has a more true statement been made than when used in conjunction with the word 'burrito.' Is there that certain little added extra "something" that the burrito establishment has provided? Something that sets them apart from the next burrito joint down the way in the next strip plaza, perhaps? Here's hoping we find out!!!

Flavor - Duh. Pretty straightforward, dontcha think? Is it burrito-y enough for M.O.A.B. standards? Does this burrito have what it takes to receive the crown of Mother Of All Burritos?!?

Condiments - Often the make or break of any good burrito. Hot sauces. Green or red? Smooth or salsa-y? It doesn't matter. It accents your purchase. It, too, needs to be graded.

Staff - Are they proud servers of the mighty burrito? (Also - it was hard coming up with 5 categories to judge them on. Suggestions welcome.)

Photos will be taken of each chosen burrito. Also posted along with the any pertinent information about the chosen establishment.

M.O.A.B. will focus primarily on:
The free standing burrito shop/shoppe, café , eatery, bistro, munch-a-torium etc.

BUT... if M.O.A.B. notices that there's a burrito on the menu of any sit-down chain establishment... provided M.O.A.B. is in the mood... those burritos will also be reviewed.

M.O.A.B. also welcomes suggestions. Where do you think the best burrito can be found? As a frequent man-about-town... I find myself in many different cities across this great burrito-plentiful land of ours. Your recommendations are eagerly accepted. Las Vegans are especially encouraged to make suggestions, as Mr. and Mrs. M.O.A.B. travel there quite frequently. Who has the Mother Of All Burritos out there in Sin City?! Do tell!!

Many of the reviews will be based in/around the Chicagloand area, as that's where M.O.A.B. is situated.

So with the ground rules restated, M.O.A.B. shall once again travel the highways and byways in search of that elusive... Mother Of All Burritos!

COMING VERY SOON - - A BRAND NEW BURRITO REVIEW!

For anyone out there that has stumbled across this blog. Welcome!

~~Champagne wishes and caviar dreams!~~
BURRITO WISHES AND FROSTY COLD BEER DREAMS!!

Doctor Who Motivational Poster - TEST

2007-01-01T09:44:00.000-06:00

M.O.A.B. Discovered Something

2005-05-13T13:36:00.000-05:00

M.O.A.B. discovered that it's incredibly hard to post a new burrito review when the digital camera is in Milwaukee with the Czarina, who is stalking an 80's singer.

Four complete disks will come back filled to the brim of hysterical women fawning over Rick Springfield... and not one photo of a single, solitary burrito.

Reviews are no fun without the photo!!

May all your burritos be tasty this weekend.

La Salsa Fresh Mexican Grill - The Luxor Hotel & Casino - Las Vegas

2005-04-12T11:15:00.000-05:00

A burrito review from our yearly trip to the desert.

"La Salsa Fresh Mexican Grill" - The Luxor Hotel & Casino - Las Vegas, Nevada

La Salsa is a very spacious restaurant inside the equally, extremely spacious second level of the Luxor Pyramid. Tequila appears to be their specialty. Although, even for Vegas, 11AM was a wee bit early for tequila. the Burrito Czar and his Czarina opted for lunch. And what a sizeable lunch it was!

But before we get to that, what sort of burritos does La Salsa offer?

La Salsa Fresh Mexican Grill offers the following:
California Burrito (Veggie.)

Los Cabos Shrimp Burrito (Should have gone with my first instinct and ordered this one, as it's an ingredient you don't always see. Live and learn.)

Original Gourmet Burrito – Chicken or steak.

Grande Burrito – (Chicken or steak.)

Grilled Chicken Burrito

Fajita Burrito – (Chicken or steak.)

And…

The El Champion Burrito – which is DOUBLE the size of the Grande burrito. Diners who finish this along with a bar drink get a free t-shirt or something like that.

Now the Burrito Czar knows what you’re thinking! You’re thinking I went with the El Champion. I did not. There was enough of a belly bomber to be had simply by ordering the Grande Burrito, which as their menu states, is everyone’s favorite.

La Salsa Fresh Mexican Grill

Purchased April 4th, 2005 – BELLY BOMBER of a burrito first thing at 11 AM. They had just opened their restaurant for lunch.

Wrap / Presentation - **
Normally this would have received a higher rating if it weren’t for one distinguishing drawback. La Salsa apparently presses the burrito (panini style) prior to serving. This ‘crisps’ the tortilla and is allegedly considered "San Franciscan-style. Your everloving Burrito Czar didn’t know this. I also didn’t want a crispy pressed burrito. I wanted a soft burrito. Perhaps next time I'll request that they do not crisp the tortilla.

Fillings - **-1/2
Grilled steak, Mexican rice, black beans, Jack and Cheddar Cheeses, Salsa Mexicana, shredded lettuce, guacamole and sour cream. Yes, yes, more lettuce inside a burrito, but I gave them the chance as they were out West. The lower rating was more for the rice content than anything else. What is this place? Chipotle?! (Chipotle still owes M.O.A.B. a refund, you burrito defilers!)

Flavor - ***
The grilled steak was extremely lean and flavorful. YAHOO! It was just lost in a mountain of rice, both inside and outside the burrito. As well as lettuce and refried beans both in the burrito and on the plate. Again, pressing the burrito till the flour tortilla was no longer soft didn’t help. As it cooled, it got harder and more difficult to eat. Once cut into with a fork and knife, I had to sift through the mound of rice to get to the remaining grilled steak, cheese, guacamole and sour cream.

Pressed burrito.

Staff - **
Our actual waitress was willing to take the order, but was not overly anxious to return for follow-up. We received better service from the person who refilled our water and tortilla chip basket.

Condiments – **
The Salsa Mexicana is virtually undetectable inside the burrito. Sauces offered at table side were Cholulua sauce, a generic Chipotle sauce and a generic habanero sauce. When combined with the Salsa Mexicana for the tortillas, they made for an all right addition to the burrito innards.

OVERALL AVERAGE SCORE: 2.3 stars for the Grilled Steak Burrito.

TO BE FAIR, the portions were GI-NORMOUS - even by Vegas standards! I cannot fault La Salsa Fresh Mexican Grill for that. Next time, as I said earlier, I'll go with his burrito gut instinct and order the shrimp burrito.

P.S. The Czarina highly recommends the Fajita plate. GI-NORMOUS though it was! Both meals were BELLY BOMBERS that early in the day.

Pure, Concentrated Evil

2005-03-18T11:08:00.000-06:00

Taco Bell's Grilled Stuft Burrito - one pound of vile and unforgiving nastiness that sticks to your insides in the form of shameful, pock-marked fat.

Burrito Bronco - Visit #1

2005-03-08T14:10:00.000-06:00

Today's burrito comes from:

"Burrito Bronco" in Streamwood, Illinois.

M.O.A.B. looked in the phone book under the word burrito and they were the first place listed. One ever so quick car ride later and a burrito was in hand.

Burrrito Bronco, apart from sounding like the Burrito Czar's long lost cousin, is a fairly well sized establishment in a strip-mall. There are ten 'booths.' Plastic bench chair, style. There are also four larger tables in the middle of the floor.

Their burrito menu isn't exactly overflowing. They offer the following six:
Steak
Chicken
Chorizo
Jamon (Ham)
Pork
and Tongue

In trying to keep with the red meat only once a week deal I made with Mrs. M.O.A.B. The chicken burrito was ordered.
Burrito Bronco - Chicken Burrito

Purchased March 8th, 2005 - Awaiting the magical bringer of digital cable to the household.

Wrap / Presentation - ***
S'okay. It held up for most of the lunch meal. It did fall apart at the tail end, but there wasn't much left. Regrettably, this was all it had going for it.

Fillings - ***
Chicken, refried beans, cheese, sour cream and tomato. Lettuce held by request. However, their menu also mentions cilantro. M.O.A.B. believes that this was also withheld, as none was tasted. It was still fairly warm when it arrived home. Otherwise, this would have been a two and a half star rating.

Flavor - **-1/2
Hmmm. This needed some serious seasoning. The whole thing was quite bland. Some salt would've been nice for the chicken. Granted there was a lot of it. Shredded chicken, which is nice. It was just so darn bland.

Staff - **-1/2M.O.A.B. didn't exactly feel welcome in the place. The woman taking the order was nice enough, I suppose... but a smile would've been nice, too. Sorry to have disturbed your clearly busy (NOT!) early afternoon.

Condiments - Zero
A red and green sauce of questionable age. Both tasted... off. Very coppery. Like sucking on a penny. Eeww. Burrito Bronco has bottles of Valentina at the tables, but the red sauce was NOT Valentina. Icky bad smell to it.

OVERALL AVERAGE SCORE: 2.2 stars for the Chicken Burrito.

Not an earth-shattering first impression, but that's why M.O.A.B. gives some places a second chance. Mayhaps the next one will be better.

M.O.A.B. enjoyed the Budweiser Select more so than a majority of the burrito. (Bud Dry in new packaging, FYI. Whoo hoo!)

Faros Restaurant #2 - Visit #1

2005-02-18T15:13:00.000-06:00

Whilst Mrs. M.O.A.B. is out stalking Rick Springfield in Rockford, Illinois this weekend, the doctor's prescribed diet goes a little askew and someone (namely me) is getting back out into the burrito trenches. (I'm still waiting for a response Chipotle! You owe me a refund!)

serendipity
n : good luck in making unexpected and fortunate discoveries

That is what Faros Restaurant #2 in Bartlett is. What a fantastic, little gem of a place! M.O.A.B. will be honest here...the exterior looks startlingly similar to that of Taqueira Acapulco...(SHUDDER!)...and regrettably the place has been avoided. What a mistake this has been! I was just going to sashay into the place for a little reconnaissance, and boy am I glad I did!

Appearances are definitely deceiving here! Inside is a beautifully laid out Fine Mexican Dining experience. It is very warm and welcoming. There are numerous booths. The tables are Mexican in theme. The chairs are various hues of Mexican pastels. Lovely Mexican murals adorn the walls. This place will definitely be worth some repeat visits. M.O.A.B. was mega impressed.

Their take-away menu mentions that there is a Faros #3 and a Faros #4. M.O.A.B. wonders what happened to Faros #1! It is not mentioned at all. M.O.A.B. loves a mystery! Especially burrito mysteries!

Faros also serve cerveza in this place. Whoo hoo! As I sat waiting for my order to be made, sipping on some suds, the guy brought out a little basket of (incredibly good - not store bought) nacho chips and one HELL of a tomato-corn salsa. BONUS POINTS FOR THAT, FAROS! What an unexpected surprise. I mean, I ordered take-out, but was made to feel very welcome in their place. Definitely dining in next time.

There's 113 (!!!) individual menu headings. Breakfast, lunch and dinner items are all well represented. Fajitas, enchiladas, tacos, and burritos! Combo platters of all kinds! Chicken, Steak, Seafood and Vegetarian options. They've even got an El Faro's Happy Meal section for those spoiled little suburbanite kids who don't good food when it's in front of them.

They've also got a listing for Tacos Junior. (Mexico City Style.) Pork, tongue, grilled steak and the very interesting sounding:
Cabeza - Beef Head. (Going to definitely try that one!)

Ooh! Lookie here on the menu! Sangria only $1.45 a glass! Oh my! That could get deadly! (And in a good way!)

Let's see what they have burrito-wise:
Suizo (Those are served 'wet' with a salsa suiza and Chihuahua Cheese for the uninitiated.)
Vegetarian (rice, beans, sour cream, avocado, lettuce & tomato.)
Chile Relleno (Stuffed pepper.)
Huevos con Carne Asada (Eggs w/ broiled skirt steak.)
Huevos con Chorizo (Eggs w/Mexican Sausage.)
Huevos con Papas (Papas are stick-size, French pommes frîtes style taters.)
Al Pastor (Roasted Pork)
Carnitas (Fried Pork)
Pollo (Chicken)
Carne Asada (See above.)
Picadillo (Ground Beef)
Lengua (Tongue)
Tripas (Intestine! M.O.A.B. is very interested in this one, too.)
Chorizo
Lomo (Loin of Beef.)

15 different varieties!

And check this out!
Regular combination burrito. Your choice of any of the two meats!

You can also order extra meat, avocado, sour cream and cheese.

PHEW! What a list!

M.O.A.B. didn't see the entire burrito menu when ordering, so I went with the Mexican Steak Burrito. And what an excellent choice this was!

Faros #2 - Mexican Steak Burrito. Yummy!!

Wrap / Presentation - *****
You couldn't have asked for a better wrapped burrito. Nice flavor to the tortilla, too.

Fillings - *****
Rice, beans, cheese and chopped ribeye steak that's been grilled with hot peppers, tomatoes and onions!!! Wow! What a delicious combo! Everything from Faros was still hot when it arrived home.

Flavor - *****
To quote SNL's 'The Continental' - Wowie! Wow! Wow! Wow! Faros is going to give my compadres over at Taco Patio a run for their burrito money! That burrito sho' wuz tasty! A wonderfully delicious flavor combo!

M.O.A.B. is aware that this is merely a photo of Christopher Walken, but M.O.A.B. spent the better part of his work afternoon trying to locate a screenshot of 'The Continental.' To no avail.

Staff - *****
A 'Good evening' and a 'How are you tonight?' Wonderfully nice gentleman took my order.

Condiments - *****
Faros wins the condiments competition, hands down! The meal came Mexican rice, refried beans, sour cream served on the side. ALSO - pickled carrots, onions and jalapenos! What a marvelous addition! Their red and green sauces are DYNAMITE!! Their guacamole was out of sight!

OVERALL AVERAGE SCORE: FIVE OUT OF FIVE!!!

"It is as if Michelangelo sculpted you by hand, and then kept you for himself…in a closet…to visit on lonely nights…Would you care for a glass of cham-pag-nay?"

Chipotle - Visit # 2 (AND LAST EVER!)

2005-02-12T14:56:00.000-06:00

Terrible "burritos" can be found at:
Chipotle - Schaumburg, Illinois

M.O.A.B.'s second trip to a Chipotle chain was anything but an improvement.

To quote both parties: "$14.62, for two pounds of rice?!"

A second trip was indeed a MASSIVE MISTAKE. M.O.A.B. thought the experience in St. Charles may have been a fluke and attempted a visit at their Schaumburg facility. This was a BAD IDEA.

The service and quality was SO BAD that M.O.A.B. (unintentional rhyme) was going to re-evaluate the St. Charles location visit from some months ago. A calmer head prevailed and we will simply share our total disgust with the Schaumburg facility.

Purchased Febrauary 12th 2005.Poorly wrapped.

The entire dining experience was ruined the moment we left the place.

M.O.A.B. is fluent in several different languages. Whatever is being spoken at the Schaumburg facility is a language even the cast of Star Trek cannot decipher.

You just know it's going to fall apart. You can see it!

Polite? F*ck that. Downright rude. Not a single word could be understood, except for the total.

Nearly $7 in rice. If that's your thing.

Overpriced rice.

Complete and utter collapse.

Both members of M.O.A.B. are owed a complete refund from Chipotle. Here come the totals.

Wrap / Presentation - ZERO!
As the above photos will clearly show, the burrito completely fell apart and unraveled the moment it was picked up.

Fillings - *-1/2
M.O.A.B. was clearly ready to give Chipotle a chance to redeem itself by going in a completely different direction. This mess contained the following: chicken (HAH! Right! All three pieces of it!) A pound of COLD rice. COLD black beans. COLD and flavorless corn 'salsa' dressing. A smattering of cheese tidbits. Over priced sour cream. (Charged extra.) Overpriced guacamole. (Charged extra.) Everything was COLD, COLD, COLD. Shame on you, Schaumburg Chipotle!

Flavor - *
If you like your burritos cold, this is the place to go. I overpaid for a chicken burrito. Of which there was NO CHICKEN WHATSOEVER! Rice, rice, oh, and did we mention rice? TERRIBLE!!

Staff - TOTAL ZERO!
M.O.A.B., and everyone M.O.A.B. can tell, will never set foot in another Chipotle establishment ever again. To call the folks at their Schaumburg facility rude would be an insult to rude people. These troglodytes couldn't have been less friendly. Oh, they were prepared to take your cash... but friendly? Forget it!!

Condiments - TOTAL ZERO!
Once again no extra sauces of any kind were supplied by the utterly rude and terrible staff of Schaumburg Chipotle. On walking out, we noticed that all they serve are the various brands of Tabasco sauces as condiments in their establishments. How dreadfully sad. There was extra Taco Patio sauce onhand at M.O.A.B. HQ, but we wouldn't insult our friends at T.P. by topping this piece of excrement with it.

OVERALL AVERAGE SCORE: .5 !!! It should be zero, so let's call it ZERO!
We spent nearly $15 to send two quarter-eaten burritos down the garbage disposal.

AVOID ALL CHIPOTLE FRANCHISES AS A MATTER OF GOOD TASTE.

"SECOND. WORST. BURRITO. EVER."

Chipotle owes us our money back. Money that will be used to go eat a REAL burrito elsewere. F*cking terrible. Never ever again.

No wonder the McDonald's company is trying to unload this albatross.

A message is going out to the Chipotle people momentarily. Are we expecting a resolution? No. One wagers the upper staff will be just as rude as the trogs.

Can you tell M.O.A.B. is pissed? Not a single cent should be spent at any of their facilities. Bah. There are infinitely better local places out there to buy burritos from! PATRONIZE LOCAL ESTABLISHMENTS, burrito friends!

Taqueira Acapulco - WORST. BURRITO. EVER.

2005-02-03T14:27:00.000-06:00

TANQUEIRA ACAPULCO - HANOVER PARK, ILLINOIS - - AVOID THIS PLACE!!!!

Amazing that a total zero review should follow a perfect score... but that's what happened. THIS WAS WITHOUT A DOUBT... THE SINGLE WORST BURRITO ON THE PLANET!!! SHOULD YOU FIND YOURSELF IN HANOVER PARK, ILLINOIS.... AVOID THIS PLACE!!!!

This was nothing but TERRIBLE!!!!!

The place is located in a group of satellite buildings of a run-down strip mall. M.O.A.B. sometimes orders Thai from the neighboring restaurant and thought it might be a nice place to try. M.O.A.B. couldn't have been more mistaken.

A photo of The World's WORST Burrito

This is going to be an easy grade. The burrito from this place was the PITS!!!!

Wrap / Presentation ZERO!!
Completely fell apart and unraveled the moment it was picked up. Also note how they cut the burrito in half. WHY??

Fillings ZERO!
Extremely low-grade beef. It was more gristle than anything else. Questionable cheese, a sprinkling of incredibly bland rice, aged lettuce (ugh!), onion and a sliver of tomato. None of the ingredients could have been considered fresh.

Flavor ZERO!
If you like gristle... this is your place. I couldn't eat the thing at all. It tasted terrible. GRISTLE! GRISTLE! SUCKY FLAVOR. TERRIBLE!!

Staff ZERO!
Sorry to have distubed whatever drug deal you cats had going on. Also you may want to have someone spell-check your little menu board there. Who wrote that thing? Manuel from Fawlty Towers?!

Condiments ZERO!
Feckless and effete tubs of....????.... who knows? Even their sauces were terrible!

OVERALL AVERAGE SCORE: ZERO!!!

AVOID THIS PLACE AT ALL COSTS!!! THERE WILL BE NO FURTHER REVIEWS OF THIS SHIT HOLE. I'm sorry, but it was THAT B-A-D!

"WORST. BURRITO. EVER."

Taco Patio - Numbers of Visits? Too Many To Keep Track Of!!

2005-02-03T14:12:00.000-06:00
M.O.A.B. cheated this past weekend and went to a place where the burritos flow like wine and the women instinctively flock like the tacos of Capistrano. I'm talkin' about a little place called Taco Patio in Hanover Park, IL.

Taco Patio is M.O.A.B.'s usual haunt for all things burrito. Their scores may appear to the casual outside observer to be blatantly biased, to which M.O.A.B. can only respond, "Guilty as charged." But do know that these guys are good. And not just with burritos, but with everything that's been sampled from their menu.

The burrito ordered on this particular outing was the Steak burrito. With extra meat, sour cream and guacamole. This burrito belly bomber is H-U-G-E. It took a good day and a half to consume.

Taco Patio - Steak Burrito with extra meat. HUGE.

Purchased January 28th, 2005

Wrap / Presentation * * * * *
The photo just really doesn't do the burrito justice. You can't really tell, but this guy is fairly impressive in size. The equally delicious avocado taco accompanying it doesn't really lend the right amount of scale. This guy is BIG. The guys at T.P. really know how to wrap a burrito of this size and scale. It's all wonderfully schtuffed and wrapped into two giant burrito tortillas. Impressive that it holds its shape considering the weight!

Fillings * * * * *
Steak - (real steak, not some fast food version of what they think a steak might be like, beans, cheese, tomato, and onion. Lettuce was kept out by request. (Yes, even T.P. will add lettuce.) M.O.A.B. was feeling peckish and asked for the extra meat version with sour cream and guacamole.

Flavor * * * * *
This is simply a GREAT burrito.

Staff * * * * *
My compadres at Taco Patio are the nicest bunch of guys on the planet! They are always polite and depending upon who's working, they may even know most of your order when you walk up. Gotta love that. Fast, friendly service. A+

Condiments * * * * *
Taco Patio offers the single best red mild sauce and hot green sauce. M.O.A.B. always asks for a couple of both. They go into plastic squirt bottles in the fridge and get used on everything else. Excellent sauces!

OVERALL AVERAGE SCORE: Five (5) whole stars for Taco Patio's extra meat burrito. A perfect score! Whoo hoo!!

Their tacos are fantastic, too. The avocado taco is very filling and extremely tasty. M.O.A.B. can also vouch for their lengua taco!

Taco Patio offers their burritos in different styles, too. Regular size... or... the belly bursting extra meat burrito. You can get them deep fried (!), covered in sauce, or covered with melted cheese.

For the total artery-clogging experience, try one that is deep-fried-covered-in-sauce-and-melted-cheese all on the same plate! Wow!

North Of The Border - Visit #3

2005-01-25T20:21:00.000-06:00
Here's the third burrito reviewed by M.O.A.B. from:

"North of the Border Mexican Restaurant" in Bartlett, Illinois.

A new establishment was M.O.A.B.'s original destination, but the area Barnes & Nobles isn't located near where M.O.A.B. originally wanted to go.

So...North of the Border won. M.O.A.B. caught it on Taco Tuesdays.

Apparently this is the place to be on Tuesday nights. Every table was occupado. Tacos were flying everywhere! But M.O.A.B. was there for burritos. Not tacos. (Although one was ordered just for bottom burps and giggles. :)

My third selection from their menu was:
North of the Border - Chorizo Burrito and friend.

Purchased January 25th, 2005 - Mrs. M.O.A.B. was probably out stalking Rick Springfield and had to dine alone. ;)

Wrap / Presentation * *
Taco Tuesday seems to be a busy night for (probably) the only person in the kitchen. This was not as well wrapped as their previous burritos.

Fillings * * * 1/2
Chorizo (Mexican sausage), beans, cheese, tomato, cilantro, onion and sour cream. A nice combination!

Flavor * * * *
A VERY nice combination. This burrito was quite tasty. Snappy and had some zing.

Staff * * -1/2
Taco Tuesday is the night for the dudes. Not exactly as polite or caring as the dudettes. They lost points for that. Busy though it may have been is no excuse for being short with customers, dude.

Condiments * * * *
Only two tubs of red hot sauce this time. But they're so tasty, who cares. Good schtuff.

OVERALL AVERAGE SCORE: 3.2 stars for the Chorizo Burrito.

Taco Tuesdays are probably not the nights to visit. But still an overall decent burrito.

As U2 once sang... Tuesday Taco Tuesday!!!! (Rare B-side. Check it out.)

P.S. The chicken taco was so-so. This is, afterall, The Mother of All Burritos, NOT The Mother of All Tacos. Otherwise the blog would be named M.O.A.T. and that would be silly.

El Burrito Fantastico - Visit #2

2005-01-16T10:47:00.000-06:00
Here is the second burrito reviewed by M.O.A.B. fom:

El Burrito Fantastico
Roselle, IL

CORRECTION AND APOLOGY TO THE FOLKS AT EL BURRITO FANTASTICO:Tomatoes are indeed part of every burrito. I probably just didn't notice them the first time I orderd from their menu. My original review incorrectly stated that tomatoes were not part of the fillings. M.O.A.B. felt it only right to correct this.

My second selection from their menu was:
El Burrito Fantastico - Pastor Burrito

Purchased January 15th 2005

Wrap / Presentation * *
All I can say is that once again it was wrapped adequately... at first. LIke the chicken burrito before it... the burrito began to fall apart at the tail end of things. The remaining filling had to be eaten with a fork as the guy totally disintegrated at the end. I had to drop the rating on this one.

Fillings * * *
Pastor (pork), beans, cheese and tomato. I ordered extra cheese, sour cream and avocado this time around. They were once again very frugal with the avocado. It was buried in a corner. I only saw the avocado once the thing had unraveled.

Flavor * * * 1/2
What it lost in the wrap, it made up for in the flavor. The pastor was quite good. The adding of extra cheese, as M.O.A.B. had mentioned in the other review, was exactly what the burrito doctor ordered.

Staff * * * *
The same nice and pleasant person who waited on me during my initial visit. Couldn't have been nicer. :)

Condiments * *
I'm readjusting the review for their sauces. The hot wasn't anything but. The mild was downright bland... again. I regrettably have to score this category low once again.

OVERALL AVERAGE SCORE: 2.9 stars for the Pastor Burrito.

That's a little down from the first visit, but more for asthetic reasons rather than flavor. It just got extremely messy at the end.

M.O.A.B. presently stands with its review of El Burrito Adequate-o. There may be a follow-up visit in the future. Time will tell.

El Burrito Fantastico - Visit #1

2005-01-09T10:13:00.000-06:00
The next burrito reviewed by M.O.A.B. comes from:

El Burrito Fantastico
Roselle, IL

El Burrito Fantastico probably deserves a 1/2 star for their name alone. If not for that, then for the hours that they keep. This place is open Sunday thru Thursday from 9AM to 2AM!!! On weekends they're open till 5AM!!!!! This is apparently THE place to assuage your Mexican food fix extremely early in the morning!

There's a breakfast menu, soups, tacos, tortas and some house specialties. El Burrito Fantastico is fairly spacious with 7 nice sit-in booths and 8 square tables. Some of which can be pulled together for larger parties.

Their burrito menu features seven styles:
Grilled Steak
Ground Beef
Chicken
Pastor
Veggie
Lengua
Chorizo (Comes with tomato, which the other meat filled ones do not.)

My first selection from their menu was:
El Burrito Fantastico - Chicken Burrito

Purchased January 8th 2005 - to celebrate the 70'th birthday of Elvis Presley. We here at M.O.A.B. aren't sure if Elvis was a burrito fiend, but we sure like to think he was.

"TCB, baby. TCB! Thank-you. Thank-you very much."
(TCB = Takin' Care of Burritos.)

Wrap / Presentation * * *
Considering the size, it was wrapped adequately. Texture-wise, the tortilla was extremely soft, to the point of mushy due to contents. It did begin to fall apart at the tail end of things. But held up overall.

Fillings * * *
Chicken, beans, lettuce and cheese. Sour Cream, Avocado and cheese can all be ordered as extras. I was not aware that you could order extra cheese. These burritos need extra cheese. There was plenty of sour cream, and they were a little frugal with the avocado.

Flavor * * *
Again with the lettuce as a viable filling!! Seems to be a trend here in suburbia. To their credit, it wasn't shredded like most places, but rather, cut into larger pieces. (Used primarily as filler it seems.) But, now that I know, this is easily rectified on the next order. The chicken was nice and lightly seasoned, but could have used a dash of salt. (PERSONAL OPINION considering all the lettuce.) By cheap on the avocados, I mean that there was only one thinly sliced half-moon piece that I could see/taste in the entire burrito.

Staff * * * *
El Burrito Fantastico appears to be family run. Very nice and pleasant people. I was the only person in the place at the time of ordering and they couldn't have been nicer.

Condiments * * - 1/2
They offer a hot (green-ish) and a mild sauce (red) at El Burrito Fantastico. The hot wasn't anything of the sort. The mild was downright bland. I have to score this category low, but they get a 1/2 star for having a Homies vending machine. (See photo of burrito being watched over by Yolanda the Hoochie Mama Homie.)

OVERALL AVERAGE SCORE: 3.1 stars for the Chicken Burrito.

Next visit - ditch the lettuce, make sure there's extra cheese, maybe ask them to go a little lighter on the sour cream as it did become a little mushy/slippery at the end.

Not a bad visit. Certainly not a fantastico visit. At present I'd say that they are merely El Burrito Adequate-o.

North Of The Border - Visit #2

2005-01-02T16:30:00.000-06:00
This is the second burrito reviewed by M.O.A.B. from:

"North of the Border Mexican Restaurant" in Bartlett, Illinois.

My second selection from their menu was:
North of the Border - Picadillo (Ground Beef) Burrito

Purchased January 2nd, 2005 - to celebrate the end (FINALLY!)of a shitty Bears season.

Wrap / Presentation * * * * *
The kids here are good. There's no doubt about that. They're 2 for 2 in the Wrap/Presentation category. Way to go!

Fillings * * * 1/2
Ground beef, beans, cheese, tomato and sour cream. I was indeed able to sub out the lettuce for some cilantro and onion. This made a BIG difference in the filling.

Flavor * * *
Being able to leave out the lettuce and substitute cilantro and onion really was nice. I would definitely do it again. My only complaint is that the ground beef was extremely cold. Granted, they'd only been open an hour. It's possible that if they have it simmering throughout the day that it just might not have been up to temperature. I'm barely five minutes away (by car) and I find it hard to believe it could get that cold on the drive back. This burrito lost a 1/2 star for the meat temp.

Staff * * * *
The same friendly suburban highschool kids. Polite and again asked if I wanted to expand the order to the burrito dinner option. I chose not to.

Condiments * * * *
The same two tubs of green and red hot sauce. I had a bottle of Valentia in the fridge and tried that out, as they highlight it on their tables. Also a nice touch.

OVERALL AVERAGE SCORE: 3.9 stars for the Picadillo (Ground Beef)Burrito.

North of the Border is 2 for 2 so far. I'm interested in trying their fish burrito and one more from the regular menu in the future. I may wait till Spring for the fish one, though.

In comparison to Green Bay trouncing the Bears on their final game of the year, 31-14... North of the Border's burrito was the only decent thing this afternoon.

LOL.

Chipotle - Visit #1

2005-01-02T16:13:00.000-06:00
The next burrito to be reviewed by M.O.A.B. comes from the franchise chain:

"Chipotle"

This particular visit was at their branch in St. Charles, Illinois.

I'd been meaning to try their burritos for some time, yet there isn't one that's actually conveniently located to me. I was off the week of Christmas and made a special trip to St. Charles and there was one in the outer-perimeter of a mall parking lot. I decided that it was time to sample Chipotle's offering.

Chipotle is a dine-in and carryout place. I went at lunch time and there was a fairly spacious dining area attached. Single bottles of beer were also available at check-out. I took my burrito as a carry out, so at present I cannot comment on whether or not there are condiments on the tables.

Their menu is fairly simplistic. Any Chipotle Burrito comes with the following:
A giant flour tortilla, cilantro-lime rice, a choice of pinto or vegetarian black beans, choice of meat, choice of salsa, cheese or sour cream. Their vegetarian burrito comes with guacamole.

You have them build the combination that you want. It is done assembly-line-style in front of you. Each ingredient is laid out in its own line along the tortilla.

Your meat choices are limited to the following four:
Carnitas - (Pork)
Barbacoa - (Spicy shredded beef.)
Chicken
Steak
and their vegetarian to round out the number to 5.

Your salsa choices are:
Roasted Chili-Corn (medium)
Tomatillo-Green Chili (medium)
Tomatillo-Red Chili (hot)
Fresh Tomato (mild)

My first selection from the Chipotle menu was the Barbacoa (Shredded Beef)Burrito.

Chipotle Barbacoa Burrito. Doesn't quite look like its counterpart on the bag, does it?

Purchased December 22nd, 2004

Wrap / Presentation *
Look at the photo. They're kidding, right?! It looks NOTHING like the one their website would lead you to believe is the norm. This guy utterly collapsed the moment I started eating it.

Fillings * * 1/2
Barbacoa shredded beef, cilantro-lime rice, pinto beans, cheese, tomatatilo red chili and sour cream. They appear to go heavy on the rice and beans, filling the burrito with only the minutest amount of requested meat.

Flavor * * 1/2
I don't think I am going to be a fan of the assmebly-line burrito production approach. When biting into this poorly wrapped mess, you were eating through each individual ingredient, rather than a combination of them all. One bite would be rice, the next beans, the next the meager amount of meat they actually inserted. Their tomatillo red chili sauce was pedestrian, at best. Bad combination choices all around.

Staff * *
With assembly lines you get automatons. They asked what I wanted, and off they went, rarely making eye contact or any other form of conversation. They seemed rushed. Granted it was lunchtime, but there were less than three people in line, including myself. Why so haggard, guys?

Condiments *
No additonal hot sauce is offered with your order. Again - if it's at the dine-in tables, I will have to wait for the second return trip to see if there are any, but to not include anything additional with your order seemed cheap.

OVERALL AVERAGE SCORE: 1.8 stars for Chipotle's Barbacoa Burrito.

YEOWCH!! Not a very good first impression. I am wondering if this is merely that particuar location. For the required M.O.A.B. second visit, I am leaning towards finding a completely different area Chipotle for comparison. This may have been a fluke. We shall see what we shall see.

I wasn't impressed.

North Of The Border - Visit #1

2005-01-02T11:39:00.000-06:00
The first burrito to be reviewed by M.O.A.B. comes from a corner establishment:

"North of the Border Mexican Restaurant" in Bartlett, Illinois.

I'd seen their little store front while driving past and thought for whatever reason that it was a 'Chipotle' franchise. (Ah, but that will be another review.)

North of the Border is a small dine-in, carryout, pickup, delivery place. There's only eight places to sit. Five bench-like booths, two circular tables and one small square table by the door.

Each table is adorned with two bottles of Mexican Salsa Picante. Valentia and Tamazula. (Usually sell for about a buck a bottle in most ethnic aisles of the grocery store and are spicier than most table sauces.)

Their menu is pretty extensive and varied considering their size. Bonus points to them for serving Mexican breakfast dishes all day long.

Their burrito menu features 11 (!!!) count 'em, 11 different selections:
Breakfast Burrito
Grilled Steak (Carne Asada)
Shredded Chicken (Pollo)
Marinated Pork (El Pastor)
Mexican Sausage (Chorizo)
Shredded Beef (Barbacoa)
Ground Beef (Picadillo)
Tongue (Lengua)
Vegetarian (Avocado)
AND...
You can substitute Fish or Shrimp for $1.00 more

ADDITIONAL: Technically there are 12 burritos available as the Breakfast Burrito can be ordered without chorizo
and filled with 3 eggs rather than 2, making for yet another vegetarian option.

M.O.A.B. will be trying a number of these as the blog expands. Hopefully I will not expand too much, either.

My first selection from their menu was the Grilled Steak Burrito/Carne Asada

Purchased December 21st, 2004

Wrap / Presentation * * * * *
Couldn't ask for a better wrapped burrito. Good job!

Fillings * * *
Steak, beans, cheese, lettuce, tomato and sour cream. I am not a huge fan of lettuce in burritos. The next order, I will see if they can omit them.

Flavor * * *
Again - I'm blaming the lettuce for the middle-of-the-road flavor review. Lettuce tends to wilt terribly next to the heat of the meat. Texture-wise it took away from the general enjoyment and made the overall flavors bland. Their hot sauces helped in this area.

Staff * * * *
Friendly suburban kids. Polite and also asked if I wanted to expand the order to the burrito dinner option which includes a side of rice and beans.

Condiments * * * *
North of the Border offered two small tubs of hot sauce. A milder green sauce and a spicier red sauce. Both were equally tasty.

OVERALL AVERAGE SCORE: 3.8 stars for the Carne Asada Burrito.

Not a bad showing their first time out. I see on their menu there are some slight tweaks you can make to their tacos. I will ask if that can be done with their burritos as well. If so, they have the potential for some higher marks.

Soda pop wishes and Burrito filled dreams till next time.

Searching For The Mother of All Burritos

2004-12-31T16:05:00.000-06:00
Here at M.O.A.B. I'm always on the look-out for a tasty burrito.

Why, you could even say - - I'm seeking the Mother Of All Burritos.

Why could you say that??? Well, duh... it's only the name of the blog... silly reader-type-person that you are.

Burritos sure am tasty. Aren't they?

Is it possible to get a bad one? Absolutely. Is it possible to get a great one? Most assuredly. Is it possible to find the Mother Of All Burritos? That's what I'm hoping to find out.

M.O.A.B. will periodically go out and find a local area burrito establishment and sample two or more burritos from any given menu. Sampling only one burrito and then rating the place hardly seems fair, and you really ought to give the place a second chance with a different set of ingredients. Who knows? Your choice of burrito innards may not have been the right combination. Who looks the fool, then?

Leave no stone unturned! Leave no men behind! Leave no burrito combination uneaten! That's MO.A.B.'s motto. Yes, it's a little long and looks a little wordy on our banner and business cards... but whattaya gonna do?!?

Ratings will fall under the five star scale.... or under the five freaky slurping sounds scale Dr. Hannibal Lecter did in 'Silence of the Lambs.' Didja see it? Beauty, eh?

Burritos will be judged by the following criteria:

Wrap / Presentation - How well is the sucker wrapped? Is he wrapped tight? (The burrito... not me.) Does the filling stay inside? There's nothing worse than biting into a burrito that promptly explodes on ya', am I right people?!

Fillings - Nothing more than fillings! Trying to forget my fillings... fillings of lovvve! Fillings. Whoa-whoa-whoa filllllings... {AHEM} ... sorry. They say it's what inside that counts. Never the more so was such a statement true than when used in conjunction with the word burrito. Is there a certain little added extra something that the establishment provided? Something to set them apart from the next burrito joint down the way in the next strip plaza? Here's hoping!

Flavor - Pretty straightforward, dontcha think? Is it burrito-y enough for M.O.A.B. standards?

Staff - Are they proud servers of the mighty burrito? (Also - it was hard coming up with 5 categories to judge them on. Suggestions welcome.)

Condiments - Oft the make or break of any good burrito. Hot sauces. Green or red? Smooth or salsa-y? Doesn't matter. It accents your purchase. It, too, needs to be graded.

Photos will be taken of each chosen burrito. Also posted along with the any pertinent information about the chosen establishment.

M.O.A.B. will focus primarily on:
The free standing burrito shop/shoppe, café , eatery, bistro, munch-a-torium etc.

BUT... if M.O.A.B. notices that there's a burrito on the menu of any sit-down chain establishment... provided M.O.A.B. is in the mood... those burritos will also be reviewed.

M.O.A.B. also welcomes suggestions. Where do you think the best burrito can be found? As a frequent man-about-town... I find myself in many different cities across this great burrito-plentiful land of ours. Your recommendations are eagerly accepted. Las Vegans are especially encouraged to make suggestions. Who has the Mother Of All Burritos out there in Sin City? Do tell!!

Many of the reviews will be based in/around the Chicagloand area, as that's where M.O.A.B. is situated.

There will not be daily updates. Eating burritos on a daily basis would probably end up making me look like this:

My physician would be on my backside in five seconds flat. We don't want that!!

Will I find the Mother Of All Burritos. I do not know... but I'm sure we'll have a lot of fun.

Ta -Ta,
B.C.
(Burrito Czar)