Thursday, September 27, 2007


M.O.A.B. has been away for far too long!! Quite a long time, indeed! It is time for the Burrito Phoenix to rise from its ashes and critique the burritos of the world once again! In M.O.A.B.'s defense, though, it must be said that we moved after having the old Burrito Castle up for sale for nearly a year. {Stupid realty market!} That and the fact that M.O.A.B. forgot the access codes to this blog. A post-it note with all the proper log-in codes was unearthed upon creation of the new Burrito Home Office, so here we are once again!!

Have any burritos been consumed whilst living in the new digs, a.k.a. Big Bear(BIG BURRITO it should be called ?!) Yes. But only a few. Maybe two tops since moving in, which is a shame! Living in a brand new area is supposed to offer one the chance of discovering new burrito outlets! Granted, it's a tiny bit rural out here, but that's no excuse! There are defintely places to obtain the food stuff that we all hold so dear!

New readers may be wondering how are the burritos graded here on M.O.A.B.? A refresher post is in order:

Burritos are graded using a 5 star scale and will be judged by the following criteria:

Wrap / Presentation - How well is the burrito wrapped? Is he wrapped tight? (The burrito... not me. We all know where the jury ruled on that one!) Does the filling stay inside? There's nothing worse than biting into a burrito that promptly explodes on ya', am I right people?!

Fillings - Nothing more than fillings! Trying to forget my fillings... fillings of lovvve! Fillings. Whoa-whoa-whoa filllllings... {AHEM} ... sorry. They say that it's what inside that counts. Never has a more true statement been made than when used in conjunction with the word 'burrito.' Is there that certain little added extra "something" that the burrito establishment has provided? Something that sets them apart from the next burrito joint down the way in the next strip plaza, perhaps? Here's hoping we find out!!!

Flavor - Duh. Pretty straightforward, dontcha think? Is it burrito-y enough for M.O.A.B. standards? Does this burrito have what it takes to receive the crown of Mother Of All Burritos?!?

Condiments - Often the make or break of any good burrito. Hot sauces. Green or red? Smooth or salsa-y? It doesn't matter. It accents your purchase. It, too, needs to be graded.

Staff - Are they proud servers of the mighty burrito? (Also - it was hard coming up with 5 categories to judge them on. Suggestions welcome.)

Photos will be taken of each chosen burrito. Also posted along with the any pertinent information about the chosen establishment.

M.O.A.B. will focus primarily on:
The free standing burrito shop/shoppe, café , eatery, bistro, munch-a-torium etc.

BUT... if M.O.A.B. notices that there's a burrito on the menu of any sit-down chain establishment... provided M.O.A.B. is in the mood... those burritos will also be reviewed.

M.O.A.B. also welcomes suggestions. Where do you think the best burrito can be found? As a frequent man-about-town... I find myself in many different cities across this great burrito-plentiful land of ours. Your recommendations are eagerly accepted. Las Vegans are especially encouraged to make suggestions, as Mr. and Mrs. M.O.A.B. travel there quite frequently. Who has the Mother Of All Burritos out there in Sin City?! Do tell!!

Many of the reviews will be based in/around the Chicagloand area, as that's where M.O.A.B. is situated.

So with the ground rules restated, M.O.A.B. shall once again travel the highways and byways in search of that elusive... Mother Of All Burritos!


For anyone out there that has stumbled across this blog. Welcome!

Champagne wishes and caviar dreams!


Monday, January 01, 2007

Doctor Who Motivational Poster - TEST

Friday, May 13, 2005

M.O.A.B. Discovered Something

M.O.A.B. discovered that it's incredibly hard to post a new burrito review when the digital camera is in Milwaukee with the Czarina, who is stalking an 80's singer.

Four complete disks will come back filled to the brim of hysterical women fawning over Rick Springfield... and not one photo of a single, solitary burrito.

Reviews are no fun without the photo!!

May all your burritos be tasty this weekend.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

La Salsa Fresh Mexican Grill - The Luxor Hotel & Casino - Las Vegas

A burrito review from our yearly trip to the desert.

"La Salsa Fresh Mexican Grill" - The Luxor Hotel & Casino - Las Vegas, Nevada

La Salsa is a very spacious restaurant inside the equally, extremely spacious second level of the Luxor Pyramid. Tequila appears to be their specialty. Although, even for Vegas, 11AM was a wee bit early for tequila. the Burrito Czar and his Czarina opted for lunch. And what a sizeable lunch it was!

But before we get to that, what sort of burritos does La Salsa offer?

La Salsa Fresh Mexican Grill offers the following:
California Burrito (Veggie.)

Los Cabos Shrimp Burrito (Should have gone with my first instinct and ordered this one, as it's an ingredient you don't always see. Live and learn.)

Original Gourmet Burrito – Chicken or steak.

Grande Burrito – (Chicken or steak.)

Grilled Chicken Burrito

Fajita Burrito – (Chicken or steak.)


The El Champion Burrito – which is DOUBLE the size of the Grande burrito. Diners who finish this along with a bar drink get a free t-shirt or something like that.

Now the Burrito Czar knows what you’re thinking! You’re thinking I went with the El Champion. I did not. There was enough of a belly bomber to be had simply by ordering the Grande Burrito, which as their menu states, is everyone’s favorite.

La Salsa Fresh Mexican Grill

Purchased April 4th, 2005 – BELLY BOMBER of a burrito first thing at 11 AM. They had just opened their restaurant for lunch.

Wrap / Presentation - **
Normally this would have received a higher rating if it weren’t for one distinguishing drawback. La Salsa apparently presses the burrito (panini style) prior to serving. This ‘crisps’ the tortilla and is allegedly considered "San Franciscan-style. Your everloving Burrito Czar didn’t know this. I also didn’t want a crispy pressed burrito. I wanted a soft burrito. Perhaps next time I'll request that they do not crisp the tortilla.

Fillings - **-1/2
Grilled steak, Mexican rice, black beans, Jack and Cheddar Cheeses, Salsa Mexicana, shredded lettuce, guacamole and sour cream. Yes, yes, more lettuce inside a burrito, but I gave them the chance as they were out West. The lower rating was more for the rice content than anything else. What is this place? Chipotle?! (Chipotle still owes M.O.A.B. a refund, you burrito defilers!)

Flavor - ***
The grilled steak was extremely lean and flavorful. YAHOO! It was just lost in a mountain of rice, both inside and outside the burrito. As well as lettuce and refried beans both in the burrito and on the plate. Again, pressing the burrito till the flour tortilla was no longer soft didn’t help. As it cooled, it got harder and more difficult to eat. Once cut into with a fork and knife, I had to sift through the mound of rice to get to the remaining grilled steak, cheese, guacamole and sour cream.

Pressed burrito.

Staff - **
Our actual waitress was willing to take the order, but was not overly anxious to return for follow-up. We received better service from the person who refilled our water and tortilla chip basket.

Condiments – **
The Salsa Mexicana is virtually undetectable inside the burrito. Sauces offered at table side were Cholulua sauce, a generic Chipotle sauce and a generic habanero sauce. When combined with the Salsa Mexicana for the tortillas, they made for an all right addition to the burrito innards.

OVERALL AVERAGE SCORE: 2.3 stars for the Grilled Steak Burrito.

TO BE FAIR, the portions were GI-NORMOUS - even by Vegas standards! I cannot fault La Salsa Fresh Mexican Grill for that. Next time, as I said earlier, I'll go with his burrito gut instinct and order the shrimp burrito.

P.S. The Czarina highly recommends the Fajita plate. GI-NORMOUS though it was! Both meals were BELLY BOMBERS that early in the day.

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Friday, March 18, 2005

Pure, Concentrated Evil

Taco Bell's Grilled Stuft Burrito - one pound of vile and unforgiving nastiness that sticks to your insides in the form of shameful, pock-marked fat.

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Burrito Bronco - Visit #1

Today's burrito comes from:

"Burrito Bronco" in Streamwood, Illinois.

M.O.A.B. looked in the phone book under the word burrito and they were the first place listed. One ever so quick car ride later and a burrito was in hand.

Burrrito Bronco, apart from sounding like the Burrito Czar's long lost cousin, is a fairly well sized establishment in a strip-mall. There are ten 'booths.' Plastic bench chair, style. There are also four larger tables in the middle of the floor.

Their burrito menu isn't exactly overflowing. They offer the following six:
Jamon (Ham)
and Tongue

In trying to keep with the red meat only once a week deal I made with Mrs. M.O.A.B. The chicken burrito was ordered.
Burrito Bronco - Chicken Burrito

Purchased March 8th, 2005 - Awaiting the magical bringer of digital cable to the household.

Wrap / Presentation - ***
S'okay. It held up for most of the lunch meal. It did fall apart at the tail end, but there wasn't much left. Regrettably, this was all it had going for it.

Fillings - ***
Chicken, refried beans, cheese, sour cream and tomato. Lettuce held by request. However, their menu also mentions cilantro. M.O.A.B. believes that this was also withheld, as none was tasted. It was still fairly warm when it arrived home. Otherwise, this would have been a two and a half star rating.

Flavor - **-1/2
Hmmm. This needed some serious seasoning. The whole thing was quite bland. Some salt would've been nice for the chicken. Granted there was a lot of it. Shredded chicken, which is nice. It was just so darn bland.

Staff - **-1/2M.O.A.B. didn't exactly feel welcome in the place. The woman taking the order was nice enough, I suppose... but a smile would've been nice, too. Sorry to have disturbed your clearly busy (NOT!) early afternoon.

Condiments - Zero
A red and green sauce of questionable age. Both tasted... off. Very coppery. Like sucking on a penny. Eeww. Burrito Bronco has bottles of Valentina at the tables, but the red sauce was NOT Valentina. Icky bad smell to it.

OVERALL AVERAGE SCORE: 2.2 stars for the Chicken Burrito.

Not an earth-shattering first impression, but that's why M.O.A.B. gives some places a second chance. Mayhaps the next one will be better.

M.O.A.B. enjoyed the Budweiser Select more so than a majority of the burrito. (Bud Dry in new packaging, FYI. Whoo hoo!)


Friday, February 18, 2005

Faros Restaurant #2 - Visit #1

Whilst Mrs. M.O.A.B. is out stalking Rick Springfield in Rockford, Illinois this weekend, the doctor's prescribed diet goes a little askew and someone (namely me) is getting back out into the burrito trenches. (I'm still waiting for a response Chipotle! You owe me a refund!)

n : good luck in making unexpected and fortunate discoveries

That is what Faros Restaurant #2 in Bartlett is. What a fantastic, little gem of a place! M.O.A.B. will be honest here...the exterior looks startlingly similar to that of Taqueira Acapulco...(SHUDDER!)...and regrettably the place has been avoided. What a mistake this has been! I was just going to sashay into the place for a little reconnaissance, and boy am I glad I did!

Appearances are definitely deceiving here! Inside is a beautifully laid out Fine Mexican Dining experience. It is very warm and welcoming. There are numerous booths. The tables are Mexican in theme. The chairs are various hues of Mexican pastels. Lovely Mexican murals adorn the walls. This place will definitely be worth some repeat visits. M.O.A.B. was mega impressed.

Their take-away menu mentions that there is a Faros #3 and a Faros #4. M.O.A.B. wonders what happened to Faros #1! It is not mentioned at all. M.O.A.B. loves a mystery! Especially burrito mysteries!

Faros also serve cerveza in this place. Whoo hoo! As I sat waiting for my order to be made, sipping on some suds, the guy brought out a little basket of (incredibly good - not store bought) nacho chips and one HELL of a tomato-corn salsa. BONUS POINTS FOR THAT, FAROS! What an unexpected surprise. I mean, I ordered take-out, but was made to feel very welcome in their place. Definitely dining in next time.

There's 113 (!!!) individual menu headings. Breakfast, lunch and dinner items are all well represented. Fajitas, enchiladas, tacos, and burritos! Combo platters of all kinds! Chicken, Steak, Seafood and Vegetarian options. They've even got an El Faro's Happy Meal section for those spoiled little suburbanite kids who don't good food when it's in front of them.

They've also got a listing for Tacos Junior. (Mexico City Style.) Pork, tongue, grilled steak and the very interesting sounding:
Cabeza - Beef Head. (Going to definitely try that one!)

Ooh! Lookie here on the menu! Sangria only $1.45 a glass! Oh my! That could get deadly! (And in a good way!)

Let's see what they have burrito-wise:
Suizo (Those are served 'wet' with a salsa suiza and Chihuahua Cheese for the uninitiated.)
Vegetarian (rice, beans, sour cream, avocado, lettuce & tomato.)
Chile Relleno (Stuffed pepper.)
Huevos con Carne Asada (Eggs w/ broiled skirt steak.)
Huevos con Chorizo (Eggs w/Mexican Sausage.)
Huevos con Papas (Papas are stick-size, French pommes frîtes style taters.)
Al Pastor (Roasted Pork)
Carnitas (Fried Pork)
Pollo (Chicken)
Carne Asada (See above.)
Picadillo (Ground Beef)
Lengua (Tongue)
Tripas (Intestine! M.O.A.B. is very interested in this one, too.)
Lomo (Loin of Beef.)

15 different varieties!

And check this out!
Regular combination burrito. Your choice of any of the two meats!

You can also order extra meat, avocado, sour cream and cheese.

PHEW! What a list!

M.O.A.B. didn't see the entire burrito menu when ordering, so I went with the Mexican Steak Burrito. And what an excellent choice this was!

Faros #2 - Mexican Steak Burrito. Yummy!!

Wrap / Presentation - *****
You couldn't have asked for a better wrapped burrito. Nice flavor to the tortilla, too.

Fillings - *****
Rice, beans, cheese and chopped ribeye steak that's been grilled with hot peppers, tomatoes and onions!!! Wow! What a delicious combo! Everything from Faros was still hot when it arrived home.

Flavor - *****
To quote SNL's 'The Continental' - Wowie! Wow! Wow! Wow! Faros is going to give my compadres over at Taco Patio a run for their burrito money! That burrito sho' wuz tasty! A wonderfully delicious flavor combo!

M.O.A.B. is aware that this is merely a photo of Christopher Walken, but M.O.A.B. spent the better part of his work afternoon trying to locate a screenshot of 'The Continental.' To no avail.

Staff - *****
A 'Good evening' and a 'How are you tonight?' Wonderfully nice gentleman took my order.

Condiments - *****
Faros wins the condiments competition, hands down! The meal came Mexican rice, refried beans, sour cream served on the side. ALSO - pickled carrots, onions and jalapenos! What a marvelous addition! Their red and green sauces are DYNAMITE!! Their guacamole was out of sight!


"It is as if Michelangelo sculpted you by hand, and then kept you for himself…in a closet…to visit on lonely nights…Would you care for a glass of cham-pag-nay?"